Of Birthday Presents and the Host Club
by My5tic-Lali
Summary: Why Tamaki had decided to annoy Kyoya in this way, Kyoya would never know. He could only deal with it and hope fervently it would be over soon. No pairings, one-shot.


**Quick note: I can't write humor. So this isn't good, at least for my normal standards. It also isn't edited very much right now, so I apologize. Hope you enjoy anyway!**

Kyoya walked towards Music Room #3, and hoped Tamaki was done setting up the theme for the Host Club. Tamaki had not been able to grasp the concept that Kyoya did _not_ want to set up a pirate deck on the floor, thank you very much, so Kyoya had been forced to escape the twin's off-key sea chanteys and Tamaki's puppy eyes on the ruse of finding Honey and Mori, who were late. After sending the two cousins up to help Tamaki and the twins, Kyoya wandered around the grounds, procrastinating for as long as he could before heading back up to change before their guests arrived.

The Shadow King sighed, but continued towards the large doors at the end of the hall. The windows let the sunlight cascade onto the lavish decorations and polished wood floors, which echoed with a muffled _tap_ at Kyoya's steps.

Creeping up to the door, Kyoya paused just before grabbing the handle. When Kyoya had left, the room had rung with Hikaru and Kaoru's warble of some old sea song, and Tamaki's light, quick footfalls. But now, all that could be heard was a deadened sound of...was that _whispering_?

Kyoya grabbed the brass handle and pulled the door open. Kyoya felt one eyebrow quirk up at the sight of five of his friends, huddled in a group, with conspiratorial smiles and eyes gleaming with mischief (Well, four smiles. Mori stood at the edge of the group with his normal, blank expression). The door opening might as well have been a gunshot.

Tamaki flew about three feet in the air, while the twins immediately assumed what they must have thought was natural pose, though they exchanged nervous looks. Honey froze, turned, and gulped, then looked away from Kyoya like he was a basilisk that would kill him if he stared into his eyes for too long. Mori nodded.

Kyoya almost groaned. "Tamaki."

Said highschooler flinched but plastered an over-the-top smile on his face. "Kyoya! So glad you could join us at last. We were just about to start putting up the rigging-"

Kyoya cut him off.

"Tamaki, what are you planning?"

The grin faltered, then returned, though rather obviously strained.

"What? Planning? What makes you think we were planning someth..." Tamaki's weak excuses wavered and died when the basilisk glare turned to him.

"I don't think. I know. Now, what are you planning?"

Tamaki zipped his mouth shut and stared determinedly out the window.

Kyoya felt his hands clench in annoyance. Tamaki could be notoriously close-mouthed when he chose to be. The basilisk glare left Tamaki and turned to the twins briefly. They wouldn't talk.

That wasn't a problem, however, because Kyoya knew the weak link.

Honey seemed to know what was coming and his large, brown eyes desperately searched for an escape. They landed on Mori, but only for a moment. That would only be delaying the inevitable. The doors were too far away, and to get to them Honey would have to pass the death glare_._ The doors were out of the question. All that was left was to avoid Kyoya's gaze for as long as possible.

Kyoya watched, unconcerned, as Honey's eyes darted frantically around the room, as sweat started trickling down his forehead and his jaw clenched almost unconsciously.

Finally, he couldn't bear it any longer and the fearful eyes dragged themselves up to the black pits that were Kyoya's.

"Honey."

The blonde flinched.

"What are you five planning?"

The brown eyes resisted, for a moment, but caved and Honey threw himself on the ground in front of Kyoya, words spilling out of his mouth and running together in their rush to confess.

"Tamachanwastellingusthatyour birthdayisnextweekandhesaidy ouweren'tgoingtogetapartyandthatssuc hashameandhesaidweshouldjust haveapartyforyouhereinsteadb ecauseeverybodyneedstohaveab irthdaypartyandpleasedon'tbemadKyochan!"

Honey looked up at Kyoya then, eyes tearing up, boyish features perfectly arranged in the most pitiful and remorseful look possible.

Kyoya restrained himself from groaning out loud. _Tamaki and his stupid ideas._

Kyoya turned to the instigator then, who had frozen with eyes wide, looking for all the world like a deer caught in the headlights of five semis.

Most people would say that it would be common sense to avoid an incensed teenage boy, especially if that boy happens to be Kyoya Ootori, but apparently no one had told Tamaki so.

Instead, Tamaki smiled sheepishly and turned to face said incensed teenager.

Behind them, the twins exchanged looks that silently weighed who would win the battle of wills.

Honey was cheering himself up with a piece of cake and barely glanced in Kyoya's and Tamaki's direction.

Kyoya's hand shot out of nowhere and grabbed Tamaki's ear, eliciting a pained yelp, and yanked him into the corner and away from the other occupants of the room.

Hikaru and Kaoru watched, barely able to contain their laughter, as a whispered argument broke out. Even from across the room, the twins could feel Kyoya's wrath, and didn't blame Tamaki in the least for backing away slowly, apologetic smile slowly sliding off his features.

The two second-years were interrupted by Haruhi opening the door and looking around in confusion.

"What's going on?"

Tamaki's grin was back up faster than a jet plane.

"HARUHIIIII!" Tamaki was across the room and practically suffocating Haruhi before anyone could so much as blink.

Haruhi, not looking the least bit surprised, waved to the other Host Club members and tried to pry Tamaki off. Honey waved back cheerily, back to normal by then, and Mori smiled.

"Senpai, you're going to hurt me."

Previously mentioned senpai immediately released Haruhi as if she was a scalding iron and instead started babbling about how much he had missed his little daughter and how cute she was going to look in today's costume and does she like the decorations?

Haruhi ignored him and continued to the couch, where she settled her books down.

Honey continued to eat cake with a huge smile on his face, while Mori watched the comings and goings of the room.

Tamaki resumed floating around the room, checking the decorations and making sure everything was in place for their guests.

Hikaru and Kaoru sat across from Haruhi and talked together quietly.

Kyoya still stood in the corner where he had been interrogating Tamaki before Haruhi had shown up, and sighed. He hadn't dissuaded Tamaki...not by a long shot. But Tamaki knew that Kyoya hated his birthdays, so why would he make Kyoya celebrate Kyoya's least favorite day of the year?

Whatever the reason, Kyoya knew that this was not going to end well.

The following seven days continued without disturbance. Tamaki spent several hours in his corner of woe, the twins staged multiple acts that sent their guests swooning, Honey ate much more cake than any human being should be capable of, Mori said only three sentences, and Haruhi effortlessly entertained their guests. Kyoya saw no evidence of any further party-planning, and relaxed somewhat. Tamaki did not bring up Kyoya's upcoming birthday even once in those seven days, and Kyoya did not walk in on his friends huddled in a group, talking in whispers.

What surprised Kyoya was that the fateful day started just as normal. Tamaki woke him with an urgent call that they needed more commoner coffee and the plans for the host club that day, and said absolutely nothing about his best friend's birthday.

His classes went fine. None of the other Host Club members jumped out from behind corners with yells of "Happy Birthday!" or other such ridiculous waffle.

Kyoya almost commented that to Tamaki, but immediately envisioned what would be his reaction.

_Kyoya would casually remark as they walked along the hall "You know, I've noticed a distinct lack of Host Club members popping out from corners with shouts of birthday wishes, or other such waffle."_

_Tamaki's eyes would grow wide with fake surprise and he would shout "Happy Birthday!" so loud it would startle everyone within a half-mile. Then he would go on a totally fake babble about how Kyoya should have told him, it's such a surprise, and then pause._

_Then, with a completely innocent look in his violet eyes, he would ask "But what's ridiculous about waffles? They are delicious, not ridiculous."_

And Kyoya did not want to explain that he meant waffle like nonesense, not like the breakfast food.

So he went about the day, thoroughly surprised that there were no hi-jinks or bursts of confetti showering over the heads of the students.

After his last class, Kyoya approached Music Room #3 warily.

Everything looked exactly as it had the day before in the hallways. Everything sounded exactly the way it had the day before as the Host Club's domain drew closer. Kyoya slowly pried the door open, and was not in the least bit shocked to find a shower of confetti immediately topple onto his head, and several shouts of "Happy Birthday Kyoya!"

The room was, today, more colorful than ever before. Streamers streaked across the ceiling, nearly covering every inch of the pale surface, while balloons bobbed around the heads of the other Host Club members, who each had polka-dot party hats balanced precariously on their heads.

Tamaki's smile was the widest, as Kyoya expected. Hikaru steered Kyoya into the room and into a chair, where Honey dashed over and put a plate with a huge piece of cake right under Kyoya's nose.

"Want some, Kyo-chan?" Honey's face was already sprinkled with crumbs.

Kyoya pushed the delicacy away from his face, then turned and glared at Tamaki, who, oblivous to the death glare of the youngest Ootori, grabbed a party hat and crammed it onto Kyoya's head.

Haruhi sat down beside Kyoya as the twins and Tamaku got into an argument about something or another and Honey and Mori watched from a safe distance.

"You know, senpai, your birthday isn't so bad."

Kyoya turned and looked at her.

"And what makes you say that?"

Haruhi smiled. "Well, instead of seeing it as another year closer to college and adulthood, and another year gone, think back and think of all the things that changed and what's better." Her wide brown eyes twinkled.

Kyoya quirked an eyebrow.

"Well that's a thought."

Haruhi's smile grew wider.

But then they were both lost in a tangle of limbs as Hikaru and Kaoru tried to run and escape Tamaki, who was chasing them with an evil gleam in his eye, but all three of them fell over the back of the couch and onto Kyoya and Haruhi. Everyone ended up on the floor, hair in absolute disarray and sprawled over furniture and each other.

"Tamaki, I have a question." Kyoya asked as lay, squished against the floor by Kaoru and conveniently right next to Tamaki's ear.

"Yeeees?" Tamaki was smiling, perhaps because he was hugging Haruhi, who had fallen on him and now could not escape.

"How much has this cost us?"

**A/N:**

**This was originally written for the DeviantART Risembool Rangers, as an entry for their humor writing contest.**

**Otherwise I would have never written humor. because I can't write humor, as I'm sure you noticed throughout this fic.**

**And never fear, my multi-chap fic will be updated soon.**

**That's all I really have to say.**

**this little button right down**

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